It's A Little Thing...

I decided, randomly and out of the blue today, that I am going to start wearing 2 memorial bracelets around.

Here is why:

When we started having to plan Matthew's service, we were trying to think of little things we could do that would stay forever as a daily reminder of him. When my water broke, and it became clear that Matthew was coming within hours, and would be gone just as quickly, the hospital gave Jamie and all of the visitors (family and friends who were there while I was in labor) a purple bracelet that said "Forever in our hearts". I still wear Jamie's. We decided to get similar bracelets personalized to pass out at the service, and give to anyone who might like to have one.

The aim behind it is simple. I want my sons name to cross the minds of as many people as possible. I want him known, I want his tiny legacy to last as long as it can, because to me and his father, there can be no person we think about more than our little boy, and we'd like that to carry over to those around us.

We've adopted the habit of following up our frequent  "I love you"s with "but I love Matthew more". It's a small thing we do to remind each other of how much mutual we love we have for that little boy, and how much meaning and intimacy his life has brought to our relationship. We are no longer merely husband and wife, but have been replaced by the relationship of "the parents to our son". The two relationships exist side by side, but the latter brings SO much more meaning to anything we could ever be with just the two of us.

This is just a small example of how we feel the desire to "change" the world, in the wake of losing our son. One of the things that hurts the most, and is the hardest thing to understand, is why the world does not stop when your child is gone. Life, should not be without that little face in it. These things are our way of making sure that his little life did affect the world, even if it didn't make it stop turning.

So, I will, from now on, have 2 of Matthew's bracelets on at any given time. One for me, and one for whoever might like to have one.

I do not expect people to wear them all the time, or even at all, but I will rejoice in the fact that perhaps one or two more people might come to know the name of my son.

So if you see me, and would like to have one of Matthew's bracelets, just let me know, I've got plenty.