5 Months

It's a few days late, but happy birthday little boy.


I thought of you all day Friday on your 5 month birthday, but I completely forgot it had been 5 months without you. I guess the reason for this is simple: it seems so much longer. How can you describe such a deep loss and ache with a paltry thing like time. Each day seems a year. Each moment a lifetime. There is no graph, no ascending time table, nothing so practical as a rigid container that can be placed on time without you.

Friday was particularly hard for mommy. She had to find out that yet again, her dreams of giving you a little brother or sister had been dashed. No baby this month. She wishes with all her heart to pour all of the love and hugs she has stored up for you into another baby. So that in some small way you can receive it all too.

Please talk to God for mommy and tell him how much you want a little brother or sister, and how much it would help mommy and daddy love you more, and hurt less.

Love you Matthew, with all of my heart.

=

One day soon I will catch up to you. I'll scoop you into my arms, and hug you one moment for every time I wished I could hold you here, and I will never let you go.