Hi Allie,
I am so sorry you have found yourself on this agonizing road with us. It sounds like you are having to deal with some insensitivity on top of it, which is so far from helpful.
I have found myself to be a much more hardened person after losing my son 3 months ago. At 2 weeks, I can honestly I didn't give two hoots about another person on the planet except my husband. It's so normal, and I believe healthy to dive into yourself in the midst of the grief and just focus on your own well being and keeping yourself going. Even now, 3 short months later, my entire perspective of life and relationships has changed drastically. I HAVE to focus on my husband and I alone because otherwise I don't think I could continue living. Not to be dramatic, or attention seeking, but because it's the solid truth that my world ended when my son took his last breath.
Unfortunately, having been a very caring and loyal friend all of my life, many friends and family cannot and do not understand the change they see in me, hell, I don't understand the change I see in myself. But I know it's there for a reason, it's there as a result of losing my son, my world, my future. I will never be the same person I was before, none of us will, because we can't be. We can't go back to who we used to be, and quite honestly, I wouldn't want to. That person wasn't a mother to a beautiful boy named Matthew.
Please, please be gentle to yourself, and please, be absorbed in your own well being above all else. They can take care of themselves, and they should be worried about taking care of you instead of being so insensitive. This entire process, is life-long, and unending. If you do not learn how to cope, grieve, and live with it now, there will be a day that it comes crashing down hard. That is the entire purpose of grief, it's a learning experience, and a reflection of the love you had for your baby.
I wrote more than I meant too :-) But I just can't stress enough how important it is that you allow yourself to be "selfish" now and in the coming months. I have yet to reach the point that I "care" about others. Yes, I love my friends and family, but they are no longer and will never be my priority again. Day to day, right now, I focus on getting through the moments and hours without the clutter of worrying about who I may have offended or who I should be reaching out to.
Another thing I have learned, is those who are true friends and TRULY care about me, will understand my coldness, my lack of communication, and my "selfishness". Those who take offense and judge me for it, have no place in my life.
Blessings and hugs to you and yours.
I am so sorry you have found yourself on this agonizing road with us. It sounds like you are having to deal with some insensitivity on top of it, which is so far from helpful.
I have found myself to be a much more hardened person after losing my son 3 months ago. At 2 weeks, I can honestly I didn't give two hoots about another person on the planet except my husband. It's so normal, and I believe healthy to dive into yourself in the midst of the grief and just focus on your own well being and keeping yourself going. Even now, 3 short months later, my entire perspective of life and relationships has changed drastically. I HAVE to focus on my husband and I alone because otherwise I don't think I could continue living. Not to be dramatic, or attention seeking, but because it's the solid truth that my world ended when my son took his last breath.
Unfortunately, having been a very caring and loyal friend all of my life, many friends and family cannot and do not understand the change they see in me, hell, I don't understand the change I see in myself. But I know it's there for a reason, it's there as a result of losing my son, my world, my future. I will never be the same person I was before, none of us will, because we can't be. We can't go back to who we used to be, and quite honestly, I wouldn't want to. That person wasn't a mother to a beautiful boy named Matthew.
Please, please be gentle to yourself, and please, be absorbed in your own well being above all else. They can take care of themselves, and they should be worried about taking care of you instead of being so insensitive. This entire process, is life-long, and unending. If you do not learn how to cope, grieve, and live with it now, there will be a day that it comes crashing down hard. That is the entire purpose of grief, it's a learning experience, and a reflection of the love you had for your baby.
I wrote more than I meant too :-) But I just can't stress enough how important it is that you allow yourself to be "selfish" now and in the coming months. I have yet to reach the point that I "care" about others. Yes, I love my friends and family, but they are no longer and will never be my priority again. Day to day, right now, I focus on getting through the moments and hours without the clutter of worrying about who I may have offended or who I should be reaching out to.
Another thing I have learned, is those who are true friends and TRULY care about me, will understand my coldness, my lack of communication, and my "selfishness". Those who take offense and judge me for it, have no place in my life.
Blessings and hugs to you and yours.
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